Real Self-care isn’t about activities…Ready to name your principles?

So much of what we hear about self-care is to go for a walk, take a bath, talk to your friend, eat healthier food, take a trip, etc.  According to Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, author of Real Self-Care (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included),

"real self-care is not a thing to do, it’s a way to be...it’s about changing your internal reality - or your consciousness.”

Got that?

I am rereading this book now.  It is timely.  Themes from the BW@H interviews show that yes, these women are taking baths, seeing their therapist regularly, and volunteering (that’s good for you). It isn't those activities anchoring their vitality and fullness. It's something else.

Dr. Pooja breaks it down like this (from the book): 

• Building a life in which you take care of yourself will always come with risks.

• The fact that our systems are so stacked against us is precisely why we must have the courage to face the inner work of real self-care. 

• You will constantly need to learn how to apply the principles of real self-care to novel situations, but you will become more practiced and confident in applying these principles. 

  
  

Well, first of all, what’s a principle?

This became clearer to me when I was working on the Solidarity Economy Principles Project.  If values inspire/inform what we are showing up for, principles are the way we show up to live into our values.  Principles guide our decision-making.  Principles are the rules, the guiding ways that we do things that align with the values.

For example, the principles I am operating within for BW@H include beauty, joy, ritual, and rest.  Whenever I am engaged in this project and, when I’m living my life at home, I try to incorporate practices around those four principles that help me live into my values of living with vitality, vulnerability, and sanctity at home so that I can show up better for myself and the world. 

While Dr. Pooja names four principles for real self-care, two of them are reflected back to me over and over again during these BW@H interviews.  Namely, many of the women I’ve interviewed are very clear about their boundaries (even as holding/releasing/changing them is a lifelong journey) and have loads of self-compassion.   

Below I share two examples from interviews with Cara and Dominique.  When you watch/read these, try to notice: 

• What boundaries have they set for themselves?

• How are they demonstrating self-compassion? 

Let me know, in the comments, what you come up with please!